Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
