Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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