Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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