Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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