Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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