Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
