I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
