just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
