you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
