I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
