i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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