I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish you could order shots online.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
