i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
