At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
