the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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