Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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