I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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