that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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