I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
a search helicopter?!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
