I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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