1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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