please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
