just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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