we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
