At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
