i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
