One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
