What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
