sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
