she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
