you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
