so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
