I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
