this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
