We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
