she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
