I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
