if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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