we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
