dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
