are you still at the devil's house?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
