How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
