awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want to make out with him forever
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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