I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
