Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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