There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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