He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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