we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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