once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
