it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
