why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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