I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
