he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
