...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
