I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
